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Monthly Archives: January 2013

Letting Go

Neurologists say there is a very slick line between obsessed and paranoid. Be obsessed about something for a considerable period of time and chances are fair, that the world will start behaving as you are paranoid. Obsession is defined as a persistent preoccupation, idea, or feeling. Psychiatry define it as a persistent idea or impulse that continually forces its way into consciousness, often associated with anxiety and mental illness. Apart these fancy definition, we usually define obsession as something that make us do things, which are necessary to fulfil our longing of something, or someone.
Yoga gurus in their camps, usually tell people to lose themselves free. It is known as Vairagya in yoga. Stretch two hands out, take a deep breath, and exhale the tensions and lose yourself with the breaths. No offense, but Dafaq? This is no way to lose! How is one supposed to lose himself when he is going through some very deep crisis in his life?
Crisis occur when you get company in life when you least expect it. Obsession is the secondary stage of goal forming. Many entrepreneurs, while delivering their success speeches in universities, tell how they dreamt, got obsessed and made it there. But only their friends, their hard working second managers, who have been there with them throughout know that due course, there were times when they gave them a shoulder to weep on, a hug to hold on. Not a yoga guru, who told them to stretch their hands out and say lol. 😀
Crisis management in companies is usually done by calling a company of stakeholders and taking the opinions of big share holders. Crisis management in an Indian kitchen is usually done by wife calling the husband, making some lovey dovey conversations and then asking for the favours. Crisis management in an examination hall full of friends is usually done by a collective effort from all directions, to help the guy who you think will be left behind. Similarly, crisis management is done in life with friends, and family. Not with yoga gurus, and by own.
To get over an obsession, or crisis, you need management. To get management, you need to call out for help. This involves basically a simple idea, to let go of you. Now, here losing yourself specifically means calling for help, and letting your friends take over it. But for that, you need to learn how to trust. Simple idea can illustrate the fact.
Take out your vehicle and go for a drive on a straight highway, preferably empty. Once you have reached quite some speed, try closing your both eyes and continue driving. Easy one? What’s in it? Easy as walk in a park. Isn’t it?
Now go another day, take a friend of yours with you. Let him drive and close your eyes without holding to him. Once you reach the same speed, something will begin to twitch inside you. Thoughts will start coming to you that what if a car suddenly came from ahead and you will not see it?
This is a classic example of how human beings are unable to trust. Odds of getting yourself killed while you are driving are quite high as compared to the latter case. Still, we behave the other way around.
Once you start to trust, life becomes very simple. Trust them, they either make you what you wanted or they let you down. Either way, you get something. Call it a lesson in the latter case. Similarly, calling out friends in crisis or when you know that some obsession is taking over your life, never does wrong. At last trust is what that drives this world. Isn’t it?

 
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Posted by on January 22, 2013 in Friendship, My Collection

 

Bhai, “Teri wali” !

Welcome back. Just a week back, I received a mail from wordpress telling me how you guys have been such a support to take the total views close to 30K! Thank you guys. 
In the last post, I wrote how every guy has got that one girl that is his. Half of my friends, seniors, juniors are committed. Rest are single. But everybody has a girl. Most of you, which live with a gang of guys, would get this post quite correctly. To start, let us look at some typical conservation in a boy’s gang.
“Bhai, teri wali dikhi thi aj”
“Bhai, tumhari wali ne coaching me top kiya”
“Sir, apki wali ka call aa raha hai apke phone pe, headphone nikalo”
“Sir, madam ke sath ja rahe ho aj sham ko, ya apan chale chicken khane?”
These are the typical sentences which are used in conversations in a boy’s hostel, or in a gang of guys who hang out together. Not taking the names of the girls is not a thing that is out of disrespect. Instead, guys do this, as a matter of fact, to show respect, or sometimes, to have fun of each other.
There is a friend of mine. Single, officially, committed secretly. No need to get confused, single because the girl doesn’t love him. Now, we usually hang out together many nights. Have dinner together, and then usually go to the local chai wala at the Ring Road. Now what the charm is, we, me, and the other buddies, always address that girl as ‘’Bhai, Teri Wali” talking to him. And that day, to our surprise, he responded, “Bhai, Kahan meri wali be”. With a sad expression. So, we asked him, with sheer surprise, “Kyu bhai, Kya hua?” And he replied, “Kuch nai be, meri wali kahan hui, she doesn’t need me”. And this sent me thinking, what actually the psychology of we guys is, a girl is ours, if we think, we are the ones who are responsible for her well being.
There is a basic difference in a guy, and a girl. That is, how a guy and a girl, perceive a relationship. Starting with a girl, she considers herself single, until the day, she gets officially in a relationship, with a guy proposing to her, with all the mainstream stuff.
For a guy, living is always tough. There are pressures from the society, peers, and parents. Pressure to achieve something in life so that everybody doesn’t call him a vella. And then, when it comes to a girl, a guy gets committed the moment he falls for a girl. And that’s when that girl becomes “uski wali” for his guys. That girl, at that moment, maybe with someone else, but once deemed as “uski wali”, she is “uski wali”, until something drastic happens, like entry of a new girl, prior of him getting committed officially with that girl. 😛
What I want to bring forth is, how the world, especially girls perceive this coining of them in such a manner. If ever, one of your guy will say, “Bhai teri wali aa rahi hai”, and the girl listens, she will say, definitely, later to the guy, “Kitne chichore dost hain tumhare, mat raha karo aese logo ke sath!”
They think, it is guys cheap mentality, disrespect for them that they talk in this manner. But dear girls, if this had been the case; we would never address our seniors the way the last two dialogues were written above. What makes guys talk in this manner is the deep understanding they have. When a girl is deemed as your girl in our guy’s gang, she automatically secures a place for which there is always respect and dignity. And it would come as surprise to many girls reading this post, but sincerely, you need to know, that your guy also thinks you as “Meri wali”. And this is because, he thinks, that you are his. And when he thinks this way, you are probably a lucky girl. Because no matter what, if he think you as hers, then trust me, you have got someone in your life who truly cares about you. Girls are generally nagging that their guys don’t give them time they deserve, cheat upon them, talk about other girls, prefer their guys over them, but the truth is, if you have some guy like this in your life, then certainly, someone unfailingly thinks about you, every night before he go to sleep.
Some girls might think this post baseless, to them. You can’t ever test how much a guy cares about you, unless that guy is a bit cheesy and keeps telling you how much he loves you. But if you want to know the truth, take the guy to a Jungle, and tell him that you met an accident, or you are in serious trouble. See, then, how that guy will move earth and heaven, just to come to you. Even if you are not committed to him, even you have another boyfriend. But since he had given you a place as “Meri wali,” or now to say more correctly, his girl, you are his. Nothing else matters to him. That indirectly makes the things much easier for girls. They have always got someone to care for them. And that’s when a guy usually gets on a receiving end. Taken as granted, he is deprived of all the happiness that he deserves. That is when movies like Pyar ka Panchnama come into picture. And then, when the guy breaks, he gets tired of this, the girl becomes a bitch from “uski wali”. And then boys are the bad guys. But look, who make them like this?
So, dear girls next time you realise that you had became a guys girl, just walk to him and try to clear out the things. Because, doesn’t matter how much that guy is smart mentally, you are inside a part of him, which is insulated from any logical thing, and is very fragile. Unless, you want to be deemed a bitch later.
And, to all boys, Guys, we rock. For all the women we love 😉 Cheers !

 
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Posted by on January 7, 2013 in Friendship, Love

 

MIDNIGHT MEMORIES PART II

5:00 AM 😉
Being 21, makes you look life in a different way. Long gone are the days, when happiness meant getting wild at a birthday party. I still remember, when I wrote the first part of this article, almost a year back, I was a lone wanderer. A real loner. But then, as you realise, keeping hold of your life is not possible, you let it go. Let it take the course that it wishes to take. There is my one facebook buddy. He usually keeps writing stories like status’, notes, and poems, centred at his lost love. His posts usually say how much he misses his love of life. Then, whenever I came across one of his posts, I would sit, and think, how do people figure out this easily what do they miss most in their lives. Isn’t that very difficult?
On one hand, you get happy like you are living the best life in the world, with cute friends, luxuries, for which you even don’t have to work. On the other, even an hour alone at midnight, with nobody around you, shakes you from the deepest within? What is that thing that you love the most and what is the thing that you regret and fear the most? Figuring this out, many people spend their lives and very few, lucky ones, do before situations get irreversible. Taking decisions in behalf of these realisations is then the second most difficult step. Because if you had figured it out wrong, and you go with it, then in short, you end up screwing the rest of your happiness. Done correctly, that thing can assure you happiness and peace for the rest of your life.
Time, come to rescue. You leave the things, just like the way you do every time. This can, at first, seem like a very appropriate thing to do, let the supreme decide what he wants for you. But everybody knows, this never is a good choice. Being escapist is a thing, escaping things to let them go out of your control, is whole another. So, you have to take decisions, to take decisions, you have to figure out the answers. This brings us to where we started. A vicious circle is formed. Breaking of this circle is achieved in usually two ways by most of the people. First, get drunk, sort the things out. Buy getting drunk, I mean giving up. Take the chances. Either it is everything, or nothing. Second, take enough time, weigh up everything, and then proceed, with caution, and backup plans. Either it’s everything or you will get a setback. Now, most of you must be thinking, what the problems are for which one usually get stuck up like this. And in the next two three lines, you may realise that you are stuck up to. So if not in right mood now, quit reading from here. Else, brave heart, here are the things.
Starting from a guy, basic problems forming this loop are these. Too many to list. Examples, one, it maybe a girl, as in case of fb buddy. If you are a normal, 90’s guy, you usually have that one girl, which you don’t want to give up. And then, things occur which force you to. Maybe a high school crush, maybe a hometown girl next door, maybe a college girlfriend. But, then, you are forced to make choices. Leave her, or stay with her. As simple as that. Stay with her, or if she is not with you, as in case of my facebook buddy, stay with her in thoughts, and see everything get out of your hands, in front of your eyes. Leave her, and regret later. See, the vicious problem circle? Second comes, the career. Passions, interests and their risks a side while having money, stability and practicality on the other. Most people end up, in this case, choosing the other, choosing just opposite to what they love and going for the things they fear most. Result, you maybe end up getting insomniac in a very good paying job. Satisfaction, all gone. Nightmares haunt, what it would have been if you took the other path at that time? What if you would have been a successful painter, photographer, writer, dancer, singer, director, social activist, and maybe politician?
Then, in life of a girl. Society believes girls are weak. I believe, girls are usually a little bit more scared. Not their fault, society being full of guys looking for girls, to release their frustration, emotional, physical, they do need to worry. So, they generally opt for the options which will keep them safe. Safe, from being heartbroken, left dependent, left neglected. They opt for careers, which make them independent, pay them well, and secure their future. They opt for relationships, which let them stay independent, have security in them. For this, even if they have to let go of their dreams, things they love most, they do. Crying is always an option. At nights. No offense intended.
So, now, ask yourself a simple question. What is that you wish most in this life? What was your wish that you left unfulfilled just because life forced you to leave it that way? Was it worth leaving? Can you get it back? If yes, at cost of what? And you will feel helpless, at least for a moment. This is not the end of it, because giving it an end here would be unjust, because I am, myself, still in this vicious circle. If I came over it someday, there will be a part three.
Adieu. 🙂

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2013 in Memories

 
 
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