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Category Archives: Fun!!As i call it!

Prem Ratan Dhan Payo: Review

First things first, If you are a Salman Khan Fan, QUIT. QUIT like now. Words ahead may lead you to plan nasty things for me, which I obviously don’t want. You gotta fear Bhai’s fans. Okay So,
Now, if you are a Sonam Fan, oh wait! You are not. No, Right? What? Seriously? Okay. You also quit. Life is available on discount these days. Get one maybe?

There comes a moment in everybody’s life when he makes a tough choice. And a bad choice. But no, going to watch PRDP is not one of that mistakes. It is something altogether different. A different equation of insanity.

So, here we start.

You read the cautionary reviews on Twitter, and some trusted forums. They advise you not to go to PRDP. But since you have got nothing better to do, as in my case, being on holidays, you still decide to make a run for it.

Then you go on to witness the thing.

Salman makes an entrance with the dialogue “Kisi ke hath chalte hain, kisi ke pair chalte hain, humare dono chalte hain”

I looked at the friend (the movie guy) exactly at the same moment and said oh boy. Yes, we are watching a Salman’s flick after all.

So, it only starts here. Sonam Kapoor plays a hot Rajkumari who does philanthropy for a living. Salman wish to see Sonam. Sonam does not know this Salman. She is about to marry another Salman, which being a doppelgänger of that Salman, is actual Prince of some fort. Prince Salman goes crashing from a Chariot, (oh man, going too loud with apple earplugs can be dangerous, even for a prince!), the initial Salman replaces him at the fort to keep the thing going.

Umm..okay. Let’s not get into the script of this thing. Let’s look at all the major parts of the movie one by one.

Salman: Well, he is Salman. You can not take that away. The crowd gets to watch two Salman’s instead of regular one in this movie.

Sonam: Sonam is cute. She is. But she is still way far from what we call good acting standards. Or okay acting standards. She did do some awful things, though. Wearing Sunglasses to Dining Table, delivering dialogues like “Raam jaisa kahenge seeta vaisa hi karegi” all with that passion that sends an altogether different meaning.
Story: It’s pretty fucked up. It would be rather incorrect to say that movie has not got a good story. Thing is, it has got a creepily fucked up story. *Now 2-minute silence for Neil Nitin Mukesh at this time who is also in there*

Dialogues: Remember the Hindi Sitcoms which we used to make fun of when we were in school? Their dialogues? Yes, you got it right. It has got all the things straight from those sitcoms. The curtains, the costumes, the slow paced dialogue delivery, the monologues and what not.
Anupam Kher: Man, you gotta retire now. In fact, you should be somewhere in the Cayman’s sipping a mojito already. Why now? Every time I came out of the shock of a song that kept popping throughout, he was right there, all set to deliver some dialogue which makes you question your life choices again.
The Sheesh Mahal: Suraj Barjatya, the Director, goes a step ahead of humanity, and creates a Sheesh Mahal, or a glass palace, right on the top edge of a waterfall, that looks like Niagra in the middle of what looks like a sea. Yes, you can read the previous sentence again. Go on.

Climax: In the end, both the Salman’s get together at this glass palace, along with Neil and few other men. What follows is a close combat with swords and all. Oh man, I so much missed the guns! I mean these guys rode Mercedes, used iPhones, wore designers throughout the whole thing. Why not the guns? Okay, so, it ends somehow. One Salman saving Neil from falling into the Niagra’s.

By the time we finished watching it, the guy with me didn’t even want his money back. He just wanted to go. Home. 😦

 

How to make a bollywood movie.

Theoretical Scene:
Two guys, working in Hollywood (let’s say spot boys) are talking.

“Dude, you gotta see this. YashRaj productions just released Gun-Day. I have been waiting for this for so long man. We have to go see this flick.”

Friend: “Yes man, totally. We’ll buy its blue ray on our way back. I have heard there are very deep philosophical implications, so we won’t be able to get it in the first time.”

Guy: “Totally. Let’s go.”

Reality: (Let’s say they saw the movie. Common, let’s just say, okay?)

Guy: That was not cool man, NOT COOL.

Friend: Man, my babe is into this Bollywood Shit, she said me to go watch it man. I thought of you man. I’m sorry man.

Guy: What the fuck dude. Who is this chick you are seeing? I mean it’s not like I’m stupid or something, but I didn’t get the part when one hairy guy drew pistol on his other hairy friend man. Not just that, I didn’t get any of it man. I’m getting drunk tonight.

The guys decide, later on to find out how these films are made and visit Mumbai.

This is what they find.

Part I

Director:
Fuck this shit. My accounts are nearly empty. I need to make a movie. *Picks phone and calls a big banner* “Arey, Ramesh Bhai! Kaise ho? Free ho? Bhabhiji? Gudiya? Sab thk? Yaar suno pitture banani thi ek. Ho paega intezaam?”
Producer:
*Scratches his crotch* *Spits paan* “Are, Shetty bhai! Hum aphiko yaad kar rahe the! Are bilkul malik kabhi mana kie hain hum? Kitta lagega?”

Director:
“Dhanyawad dada. Hum aate hai sham ko milne”
*Hangs up, puts an advertisement in local daily-*
“Story needed. Genre- Action-Comedy-Crime-Drama-Romance-War-Horror (All should be there). Payment after making”
*Opens mail, find 1000 stories received in 10 minutes* *Grins*
They meet, and money gets transferred.

Part II-
Director:
*Turns in the roll chair in Air Conditioned office on 22nd floor of a commercial building*
“Hi, Katrina ji, aayiye aayiye. Picture karengi humare liye?”

Actress– *Blushes* “Kitne dialogue milenge ji?”
Director– “4 Dialogue, 5 Item Numbers. Thik hain ya gane aur badhayen?”
Actress– “Ji thik hain, itne me Life Ok award to jeet hi lungi mai 😛 . Fees- 5 Crore sir. 2 numbers me dresses meri marzi ki, rest you can decide” *winks*
Actress goes, Actor comes.

Director
“Bhaaaaiiii! Kaise ho Bhaaaaiiii!” *Gets up and give a tri-hug.* “Movie karoge ek?”
Actor– “Story hai sir?”
Director: “Happy Ending hai bhaaaiii”
Actor: “Chalo thik hai. Muscle kitni lagegi? 4 ya 6 pack?”
Director: “Bhaijaan script tough hai thodi, 8 packs lag jaengi.”
Actor: “That can be done. How many scorpios and jeeps are we talking? And how many girls I get to flirt with?”
Director: “In total, 56 scorpios will be blown, and sir 2 heroine hongi apki, personal.”
Actor: “Jai mata di let’s rock!”

Part III-

Director: “Sir, Sangeet chahiye Sir.”
Music Director:
*Try to look thoughtful, plays with his shoulder long hairs* *Clears throat*

“Ji sir, Sangeet to hai. Sangeet hum dedenge, lyrics ap apne

Cameramen (Mere photo ko seene se yaar, chipkale saiyyan),
Makeup Artists (Saree ke fall sa, attach kiya re)
Orchestra (Dekha jo tujhe yar, dil me baji guitar)
Spotboys (Tune Mari entriyaan)…..*keeps blabbering*, vagereh se likhwa lena”

Director: “Dhanyawad, sir, Dhanyawad. Jai ma Saraswati.” 😀

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2014 in Fun!!As i call it!

 

Exams-Facebook-Nautankiya

Exams have been heavy. Wake up when half of the day has already passed and study till the rest of the world gets up the next day and repeat. In between, there are loads and loads of frustrating, depressing and demotivating moments. Moments when the thoughts scenario ranges from understanding the subject you have been studying to realising what a waste of life it is to devote a month in exams. 🙂
Well, in between again, several things also go along. Tweeting every few minutes and being online on Facebook for every moment you are awake. Breaks, which are bigger in time dimension than the actual study periods tells that you are doing your engineering correct. 😀
So, it happened like this. It was software engineering paper and everybody was frustrating to the marks. As usually happens in a boy’s hostel, everybody was sitting together in a room, with the “Bakar” session going on.
I was sitting holding book while reading nothing at all, just like others. Occasionally, now and then, somebody will say something and will try to make the atmosphere lighter.
Suddenly, a “bhai” from the room adjacent came shouting,
“Bhai, ma c*** di. Abe vo chutiya fir se vo first year wali ke sath pic upload kia be”
And as usual, he got mixed responses.
“Kaun be? Bandi ka naam kya hai?”
“Abe to thik hai na, jee raha hai apni zindagi, jee lene do”
“Haan yaar bhai, aese kya, tumko kya chulla hai” I also added.
The dude who just entered was taken aback from the unexpected responses. Usually, everybody would have cheered or said random or funny things which would have killed the next few minutes before everybody would have returned again to their books. 😛
“Nahi be, tum samajh nahi rahe ho, pic kholo aur caption padho” He said.
So, everybody peeked at the nearby laptop and one dude searched for the pic.
“Abe mere me add nahi hai, tu kar ke dekh”
So, another dude came and logged in and finally made the picture available.
“Yes, a girl and a guy can be just friends. Forever.” The caption said.
Peeking through the heads, I saw a young beautiful girl standing with the guy who was the topic of discussion. Once everybody saw the picture, random thoughts started coming in.
“Abe behen hogi” 😛
“Abe kat gaya hoga, aur kya likhega fir” Another suggested that the guy in the picture must have been friendzoned.
I was, as always listening to the random thoughts. Of all the people in the room, I was the one who knew that guy most. I forgot to mention, seeing the caption of the pic, my immediate response was a smile. Because I knew that the guy in the picture, was not of type who would wish to remain “just friends” with a girl. He was the one of the type “Bhai, ek ladki dila de”. LOL. And so, before any more comments came, I said, “Bhai logo, bohot bure haal se nikla hai vo abhi, let it go” and so everybody moved to discuss how harassing a surname PADUKONE is. 😀

Post Script:

Guys and girls out there. It is now an era when even the first year kids entering an engineering college well know the meaning of friendship and the difference between friends and attention seekers. So, if you shout “Bhai ek ladki dila de” in pubic quite often, don’t upload pics on social networking media carrying a caption “Friends” when you eventually find one. This may drive your respect to all time low levels. Because friendship doesn’t require any captions. 😀

Disclaimer:

All the thoughts, characters, events and the whole sole article is work of pure imagination. Read to laugh. Keep calm and keep studying. 🙂

Another Note:

Site has been de-indexed from search engines. Reasons many. Site is well alive and running. Thank you for your honest reviews, opinions and kindly shares. Means a lot. 🙂

 
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Posted by on April 26, 2013 in Fun!!As i call it!

 
 
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